I’ve been inspired! That “You Know You’re in Idaho When…” thing got me thinking. I could write something similar for the nutty concept of the Stakeholder.

If you’ve not been around local government, then you probably don’t know what a “stakeholder” is. The term is used repeatedly by Coeur d’Alene City Hall, the LCDC, School District 271 and NIC. It dots their documents and reports.

Basically, the stakeholder is a super-citizen plucked from the muddled masses. Those who pick the stakeholders refer to them as “interested parties,” but they’re really well-connected insiders, developers, political people, and various head nodders and apologists. Given that, please feel free to help me complete this list:

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . Mayor Bloem smiles back at you (and it’s not forced).

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . all you see at the wine and cheese parties are other Stakeholders.

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . you’ve never voted “No” on anything in your life.

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . Harry Amend slaps you one the back and says “Thank You” before asking you whether you support the upcoming May 20 Levy.

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . you keep seeing the same people over and over in all the meetings you attend.

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . you can be counted on as a “team player,” and to never disagree with any other Stakeholder in public. Or in private.

You know your a Stakeholder when . . . you’ve already been handed your opinion or told via cell phone how to vote or what to say.

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . the last time you had cookies and coffee at a meeting they were provided by the government.

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . you’ve both received money from the LCDC and have told a reporter that you don’t see anything wrong with the LCDC.

You know you’re a Stakeholder when . . . you serve on at least 34 government committees and are asked to serve on 17 more.